Live longer.*
Ten-mushroom extract gummies for people optimizing their healthspan. Reishi, lion's mane, cordyceps and seven friends, and even Greg's brotheren. Sold to you with unusual honesty.
(Fund Greg's alcoholism.)
Clarifications About Our Product
We do not sell these shrooms:
Pick your price.
We showed you what it costs us. Now you decide what we make. Every option below ships the exact same product.
Same 60 gummies. Same ten mushrooms. Same raspberry. Only the number changes.
We make nothing
$12.46 to manufacture, about $5 to ship. We earn one cent and it doesn't hurt us either. No weird catch, exact same bottle and quality.
Add to cartWhat we'd normally charge
Standard margin for a brand this size. This is the one we'd have put on the label.
Add to cartAverage Suggested Retail Price
You read the cost breakdown and paid extra anyway. Greg noticed. Greg has told everyone.
Add to cartSupporter
Now we're funding next month's inventory instead of just replacing the bottle you took. We. Love. You.
Add to cartPatron
This pays for the photography that made you click in the first place. Circular, but true.
Add to cartWe've run out of justifications
There is no business reason for this tier. It is simply money now. Same bottle.
Add to cartPlease sit down
We checked twice. Identical gummies, identical mushrooms, what is wrong with you.
Add to cartThank you very much
We are forever grateful. Greg has been given the day off. He will not take it.
Add to cartHere's exactly what a bottle costs us.
- Making the gummies
- $12.46
- Getting them to you
- $5.00
- What it costs us
- $17.46
everything you pay above this line is margin. it keeps the lights on, the site up, and the gummies coming. we'd rather show you the number than pretend it isn't there. — greg
The honest pitch
How supplement brands work: including, and we cannot stress this enough, this one.
We found a good manufacturer.
Our gummies are made and shipped from a US facility that follows FDA good-manufacturing practices. We didn't invent mushrooms. We picked competent people who turn them into gummies, and we put our name on it.
We added a cute mascot.
This is Greg. He's an intern. His HR file says 'portobello.' He is visibly not, and nobody has fixed it. Marketing research says a mascot makes you trust us 23% more. We made that number up* which is exactly the kind of thing other brands don't tell you.
We charge more than it costs.
It's called margin, every brand you've ever bought from has it, and ours pays for Greg's lantern oil and this website. In exchange you get a genuinely good mushroom blend you'll actually remember to take.
Ten mushrooms. Zero mystique.
A 10:1 fruiting-body extract blend, in a raspberry gummy. Here's the org chart.
Reishi
VP of CalmThe one your most relaxed friend won't stop recommending. Used in wellness traditions for centuries; supports your everyday chill.*
Lion's Mane
Head of FocusThe fluffy one the productivity podcasts love. Supports cognitive wellness*, looks like a tiny cloud, costs us extra.
Cordyceps
Director of EnergyThe one athletes talk about between sponsorship reads. Supports vitality and active lifestyles* — hence, well, the company name.
Chaga
Chief Antioxidant OfficerGrows on birch trees, looks like burnt toast, beloved by people who own thermoses. A classic of the genre.*
Turkey Tail
Wellness Committee ChairNamed after a turkey, shaped like a fan, one of the most-studied mushrooms in the building. Supports immune wellness.*
…and five more
The Interns (Greg's team)Maitake, shiitake, white button, black fungus, and royal sun. Less famous, still in every gummy, doing the quiet work. Greg relates.
“Marketing wrote 'unlock your cellular potential' and I refused to read it out loud. They're good gummies. That should be enough.”— Greg, intern (unpaid, mushroom)
Help the world feel fully alive, one bite at a time.*
Reviews (aspirational)
We just launched, so these are the reviews we're manifesting. When real customers write real ones, they go here and these retire to the fridge door.
“Tastes like a raspberry that went to grad school.”
— Future customer (projected)“I bought them because of the small mushroom with the lantern. No regrets so far.”
— Greg's mom (unpaid, unlike Greg, who is also unpaid)“Finally, a brand that admits it wants my money. Here. Take it. One star off because the intern deserves a salary.”
— Someone with disposable income (manifested)Frequently honest answers
Are these *those* mushrooms?
No. Wrong aisle, wrong economy, wrong newsletter. Nothing in these gummies is psychoactive. No psilocybin, nothing that makes you smell colors. Ten legal, functional mushrooms with centuries of culinary and wellness history behind them. The only trip is the one to your mailbox.
Will these make me live forever?
These are mushroom extracts: reishi, lion's mane, cordyceps, etc. that support your wellness routine and immune system against cellular damage and common diseases. The immortality industry remains imaginary; the gummy industry, meanwhile, is delicious.
Are these FDA approved?
No dietary supplement is "FDA approved" — that's not a thing that exists, no matter whose label you're reading, those are fake. Ours are made in a US facility that follows FDA current good manufacturing practices (cGMP). That's the true, boring, load-bearing answer.
Why buy from you instead of some giant marketplace?
Honestly? The gummies are comparable and ours cost about the same when they're made in mass. But your money funds a small business with a mascot who reads every marketing claim under protest, instead of a warehouse algorithm. You're not just buying gummies; you're buying gummies with lore.
Do you provide free shipping?
Absolutely. Why not? It's only $5 in the US.
What if I don't like them?
Email us and we'll sort it out. The refund policy in the footer is the legally binding version, and we'd rather fix a problem than argue about one. Greg answers the inbox on Tuesdays.
Is Greg okay?
Greg is a small mushroom who works the night shift by lantern light. His HR file lists the wrong species and nobody has fixed it. He is doing his best. Thank you for asking. Nobody asks. Not even his wife who left him.
Sincerely, thank you for your patronage. It lets us run things with humor instead of relying on traditional business persuasion.
Buy them from the brand that didn't lie to you on the way to checkout.
(greg sees none of this revenue. He's an intern. — greg)